What Mission-Driven Founders Get Wrong About Doing Good in the World
If you’re looking to do good in the world, drop the BS and integrate your self-interest so you can show up authentically for others and do great work. I often struggled with this as a founder/leader.
Most entrepreneurs get into the game with a mission to change the world in some way.
In my time in the start-up world, I’ve met many incredible people who care about having an impact. They are deeply purpose-driven and are motivated by a genuine desire to be of service to others.
These folks speak passionately about changing the world, and their intentions are sincere—but much of the time, they struggle to be fully honest with themselves and others about what they seek to gain in the process.
Why? They’ve adopted the false belief that you can’t devote yourself to the greater good while also pursuing your self-interest. This can be a dangerous way of thinking, for when we deny our own needs and desires, they gain power and come out in sneaky and underhanded ways—ones that can undermine the good we seek to do for others.
Here’s what this often looks like: Once a founder becomes ‘mission-driven,’ they begin to disavow any parts of themselves with desires around wealth, success, and social status. The thinking is: This isn’t about me—let’s just focus everything on the mission. In theory, that sounds great. In reality, things can get a little funky.
We’ve all seen what happens when someone denies their self-interest in the name of altruism. I’m talking about the CEO who claims to be 100% mission-driven but secretly wants to make a pile of money. It’s the founder who adopts a buy-one give-one model because they’re using it as a strategy to dominate the market. It’s the founder who’s using their nonprofit as a stepping stone to get the TED talk so they can write the New York Times bestseller. You might be surprised (or maybe you wouldn’t!) by how often I see this in the start-up world.
What exactly is going on here? In their attempts to be the type of person who does good for others, the individual denies their selfish interests as ‘bad’ and ‘wrong.’ These rejected parts of self begin to operate unconsciously and can easily run the show, while the person in question is totally oblivious to what’s happening.
The costs can be substantial. Let’s consider the impact on your team’s motivation. If your people see a misalignment between what you say matters and how you conduct yourself, they will start to feel disenfranchised, and they will be less motivated to do the hard work necessary to achieve the mission of your organization. If a mission-driven founder spends 80+ percent of their time giving talks, managing their social media accounts, and networking at high-profile events, they may start to question the integrity of the organization. And if an employee believes that they are no longer working for the mission and they’re actually just working to line your pockets, you’ll have a hard time motivating your team and retaining top talent. People can sniff it out when an organization is using the rhetoric of social good to chase profits or status.
Becoming an effective change-maker isn’t about overcoming all selfish desires. Instead, I’d like to suggest that it’s actually by cultivating greater consciousness around our self-interest—and thereby having the power to keep it in check—that we can truly serve others.
Case Study: The Forbes 30 Under 30 List
One of my clients runs a very successful mental health startup. He cares deeply about alleviating the suffering of mental illness, and he also had a deep desire to make the Forbes 30 Under 30 list. As it turned out, he would have made the list if only he hadn’t mistook the emails from Forbes as marketing newsletters! Alas, he turned 30 shortly after this gaffe and forever missed his opportunity to make the list. He shared what happened in one of our sessions and admitted to me that he was shocked by the intensity of his desire to be featured and how much it impacted him. He was filled with self-judgment: “Why do I care about this? It’s a stupid list. Why did it totally rock me?”
I’ll be honest: This one hit close to home for me. When I was leading a growing and impactful nonprofit, I cared about the Forbes list, too. I wanted to be recognized for the good work I was doing. I cared about being seen as someone who was doing good. I cared about being respected by powerful entrepreneurs. I wanted them to think I was fucking awesome, incredibly competent and successful.
But the selfish desires I denied would leak out in unfortunate ways—siphoning chunks of my energy into virtue signaling or chasing accolades rather than doing the work that actually mattered. I would apply to all the fancy conferences and exclusive groups. I would go to the who’s who dinners and galas. I wanted people to see me a certain way, and I was willing to expend energy in that pursuit.
At the time, this was largely unconscious. I now realize that because my self-interest was not OK internally or externally, it started to grab hold and ‘drive the bus’ in unfortunate ways. I could have been dedicating more of that energy to executing my mission, and I lost sight of what really mattered. I didn’t keep “the main thing the main thing”.
Anything we reject within ourselves actually gains more power, that’s when it starts to cause problems. To show up fully and authentically for your mission (and for others), you’ve gotta give your self-interest a seat at the table—otherwise, it might end up running the show.
Humans Are Selfish (and That’s OK)
If you’re a founder, non-profit leader, or impact entrepreneur, it’s time to get honest with yourself about your selfish motives.
You could start with simple clarity around your goals. What do you actually want personally and professionally? If you were to be honest with yourself, why are you doing this? What do you actually want to achieve? Go beyond your first answer, and allow sub-answers to emerge. Allow yourself to have five or even 10 reasons why you are doing what you’re doing. Some will be high-minded and altruistic, and others will tend to be for more personal gain.
Be real with yourself here. Do you want a side of recognition to go along with your changing of the world? Do you want $100M in your bank account when you finally solve international credit transfers? Do you want to hit one million Instagram followers after you eradicate obesity in America? Do you want to be knighted once Malaria is a thing of the past? I suspect you do, even if it’s on a more subtle level. And that’s OK. As a first step, let’s be honest with ourselves, and then we can start to be more real with others, too.
Human beings can be wonderfully compassionate and selfless. But the reality is that we are not 100% altruistic, and that’s OK! Just so you don’t feel alone, I’ll throw my hat in the ring because I have these desires myself. I want financial freedom and security for my growing family. I want to be known as a revolutionary and master in executive and basketball coaching. I want to be highly regarded by powerful entrepreneurs. I want to be seen as a leader of leaders. And I wouldn’t mind having one or two bestselling books throughout my lifetime.
There, I said it. It’s actually not so uncomfortable to say out loud—liberating, even. I might add that I also have genuine altruistic desires—like wanting to usher in a new form of leadership into the world that is humane and relational—but we’ll save those for another time.
I have one caveat. There is a very small percentage of humans who do mission-driven work purely out of the goodness of their hearts. We’re talking maybe 1-5% of humanity. And I have met some of these people! If you are one of them, if you are appalled and shocked by what I’m sharing here, then good for you. Please stop reading immediately and get back to doing what you’re doing. On the other end of the spectrum, some people pretend to care about others but are 100% in it for themselves. That’s not what I’m talking about either. Most of us fall somewhere in between—if this is you, please keep reading.
Make the Unconscious Conscious
In the coaching relationship (and in most inner work), what we’re looking to do is make the unconscious conscious, which means becoming aware of and accepting all parts of ourselves. A truly integrated mission-driven founder has accepted and integrated their more self-serving desires. They’re honest with themselves about what they’re hoping to gain from their efforts. This authenticity can be felt and affords the leader greater opportunities to build trust. It’s also a total win-win! Research has shown that individuals with greater levels of “healthy selfishness” rank higher in both emotional well-being and genuine desire to help others than individuals who skew “pathologically altruistic”.
But most people have a very black-and-white view of altruism and self-interest, which is how the selfish parts of us end up in the shadows of our psyche. We think we’re either in it for the greater good or ourselves; there’s no room for both. This means that if you’re an impact-focused founder, it’s not OK to want an exit. It’s bad to care about making a certain amount of money. And it’s certainly not OK to seek status and respect from other founders or influential people.
As a coach, alarm bells go off for me when I hear a client claim that they only care about their mission. Their parts around altruism, caring for others, and doing good are fully accepted and activated. And their parts that are seeking personal gain, fortune, fame, or recognition—which are desires that nearly all human beings have—are denied and definitely not OK.
In my view, there is nothing wrong with wanting a Wall Street Journal profile to go along with providing access to decent healthcare for communities in poverty. If it’s what you truly want and it does not cause harm to others—then it doesn’t make your mission any less compassionate or noble.
If you can hold BOTH of these motivations at the same time, then you don’t have to do this strange dance where you pretend that you don’t want the things that most people know you want anyway. Strange dances are chaotic and energy-draining. If you really want to be famous, get clear on what the steps are and go for it swiftly and directly. Then you can direct your energy savings towards your mission. It is possible to be authentic with your compassion for the suffering of others while also owning your personal ambitions.
Get Real with Yourself
When you reflect on the previously listed questions about your desires and motives, are you able to get in touch with any parts of yourself that you feel shame, guilt, or judgment around? These are the ones that make you cringe or wince or get all tight in your body when you think about them. They feel ugly. They feel not OK. Welcome to the parts of you that are currently unintegrated. Please start a dialogue with them, get curious, and bring loving acceptance to them.
Let’s explore this through the lens of Internal Family Systems, an integrative approach to individual psychotherapy. Identify the part that comes up most strongly. If you gave this part of yourself a voice, what would it say? Perhaps it’s looking for acknowledgment, a pat on the back. Perhaps it’s looking to belong to a certain club. Perhaps it wants to feel safe and at home. Perhaps it’s just scared and wants some security. Perhaps it’s looking for unconditional love. Whatever it is, you want to let this part of you speak. As you listen to what comes up, make this part of you feel welcome by taking its concerns seriously.
From here, you want to start bringing more awareness to the moments in your life where these ‘not-OK’ parts get activated. If you’re triggered that a successful founder friend didn’t return your text, make how you feel about the situation fully OK, even if you’re telling yourself that your reaction is overblown. If a prominent investor is not happy with your recent performance and you feel insecure, allow that insecurity to exist for a while. If you’re putting off talking to someone because you don’t deem them ‘important’ enough for your time and you feel gross and superficial about that, make that OK for now, too. The rule is simple: Whatever is on the plate is fully OK.
This is how we begin to integrate these parts of ourselves so that they’re no longer running the show. We make them OK as a first step. This doesn’t mean that this part of you suddenly has permission to take over. In fact, it’s the opposite.
Think of it like being the parent of 10 kids, one of whom is the ‘problem child.’ The problem child isn’t accepted or listened to, and as a result, they create chaos to get attention. This child steals the parents’ power and ends up consuming most of the energy in the household. But if the parent can accept that child, listen to them, and acknowledge them, then the parent will be back in control and the child will be healthily integrated into the rest of the family. Accepting your own inner ‘problem child’—it could be your desire for wealth or the insecurity that drives you to seek out the approval of successful people—will ultimately lead you to make more authentic and balanced decisions around questions of power, money, and respect.
True power is integrating all parts of ourselves so that they don’t run amok. And here’s the real magic: When you meet a fully integrated mission-driven founder who owns their desires and motives, you can truly feel that person’s humanity. Their authenticity shines through. People are naturally drawn to this kind of honesty and transparency, and they want to support that person’s mission. This founder has made space for themselves so that they can truly make space for others—in accepting their shadows, they can accept those of others.
So go ahead: Create abundance while chasing your mission. Become successful while helping others. Gain recognition and status by doing good. And what the hell, go for the 30 Under 30 list. Let your mission lead, but keep your selfish desires along for the ride.